The world of BDSM is vast and has many different aspects. From the outside it can be seen as painful and some people have a very restricted view on some of the different areas and practises. Part of this blog we are going to expand knowledge and uncover some of the secret and not-so-secret world of BDSM. I’m going to start with spanking.
Spanking is one of the more obvious aspects to BDSM play and even normal bedroom play for some people. However their are right approaches and wrong approaches. so we are going to explore this a little. If you are a complete spanking beginner it may seem a little scary, that initial thought of what the pain will be like, but if you never try how will you really know? Spanking can be used in numerous ways in the bedroom. Gentle spanks for sensual play, Teasing spanks leading up to sex, catching your partner off guard with playful spanks, exploring pain thresholds, spanking as part of a punishment for misbehaving, even intense spanks during sex to give a sensory overload.
What is important to recognise is the difference between pain and pleasure. It is a common misconception to believe that people who genuinely enjoy hard spanking can just accept hard spanks straight away, this is mostly not the case. The skin has to be warmed up, spanking a cold bottom is a lot harsher than spanking a warm bottom.
**Tip – Start off by rubbing your partner’s/sub’s bottom to warm the skin, followed by gentle spanks to build trust and allow the skin to adapt to the sensations. After each spank caress the skin to ease the sting**
These gentle spanks with caressing can be used as part of sensation play and warm up play or even just general bottom appreciation. Work you way round different areas gently warming the bottom. From experience I personally like the sensation/stinging to be fairly even on each cheek, this is more important when building up to the harder spanks.
Its important to make sure your aim is good, you should be aiming for the fleshy part of the bottom. If you do catch your partner/sub in the wrong place i.e. the bottom of the back, it may be more stingy than expected, so you should check that they are ok and rub over the area to ease the sting.
**Tip – Aim for the fleshy part of the bottom for a more enjoyable sensation**
Sometimes you may have the opportunity to express flirting with your partner in the form of spanking, this is usually over clothes so can afford to be maybe slight hard than those warm up type spanks we’ve just talked about. When you catch your partner off guard with these at the right moment it can create a sexual atmosphere and be at bit of a turn on. However, be wary, as if you do it at an inappropriate moment you could make your partner angry and it could have a less than desired effect. It is a good idea to follow a cheeky spank by pulling your partner into your arms for a passionate kiss, this will confirm your intentions.
When using spanking to explore pain thresholds you should fully communicate with your partner/sub to ensure they are comfortable with what you are doing, and you should use safe words. Again as you are working up the pain threshold you should be rubbing and caressing your partners bottom to ease the stinging. If your partners bottom becomes very red and hot then you should consider stopping and you should ask your partner if they want you to carry on or stop, they will let you know if they are ok or not.
**COMMUNICATE COMMUNICATE COMMUNICATE**
Once you have built up spanking as part of several play scenarios you may be able to go even further with your partner. This is where spanks during sex come in. Normally done in doggy position harsh and multiple spanks can be applied causing multiple sensations and heightening arousal. It can even cause some women to orgasm. But I must stress that this is not for everyone, and you must communicate with your partner and ensure that they are ok. Everything I have mentioned so far should be a pleasurable experience, even the pain aspect should be pleasurable pain.
Now we are going to move on to spanking for punishment. It is quite well known that spanking can be used for punishment. Often seen in dom/sub relationships. when the sub does something which displeases the dominant they may accrue punishment spanks. It is common for the dominant to take the submissive over the knee and apply these harsh spanks. The submissive may be asked to count the spanks. and the lasting stinging will be a reminder to the submissive as to who their dominant is and why they should please their dominant. It is important to note that a submissive will require aftercare post punishment spanks.
Some aftercare tips include lots of cuddles and applying some lotion/cream to sore areas. You may prefer a certain type of cream or lotion so figure out what works best for you. Different types of body butter are usually quite good and soothing.
Use of Toys
Toys can be used during spanking. Personally I like the use of a spanking paddle. There are double sided spanking paddles available one side is usually a soft slight padded surface and the other is more of a stingy leather. Can be used to give different sensations, to warm up the skin and to find boundaries.
**Tip – using a spanking paddle also prevents the users hand from becoming sore**
Other toys used in spanking are riding crops and Tawse’s. You need to experiment with different materials and surface areas to find which ones are more enjoyable.
Any questions I haven’t answered please feel free to comment.
Happy spanking 😀